Bittersweet Drugs and Candy

Oh to-do.

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 15:20:14 GMT

Here's my short story for this Writer's Block:

What’s on your “to-do” list to prepare for the holidays? How will you use technology to help you get everything done?

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This morning when I woke up, I finally felt the chill of winter. I had been getting excited that autumn was falling behind us so the Christmas music could start blaring on every radio station. The sunlight, hidden by a blanket of gray clouds, shone through the off-white curtains in my bedroom. I pulled back the huge comforter that I had buried myself in last night, careful not to wake the sleeping form next to me, and stretched my arms over my head. I proceeded to sit on the windowsill to overlook the frost that was spreading like wildfire on the glass. I pressed a hand to it, feeling the icy sensation ripple throughout my body as my arms sprouted goosebumps. Suddenly, a bigger, warmer hand covered mine.
"What're you doing up so early?" the voice of my husband muttered. I guess the shift in weight from getting off of the mattress woke him up.
"It's eleven. That's definitely not early," I said through a yawn. He kissed my neck and spoke softly into my ear, "Let's go make breakfast, early bird." He grabbed my hand that was still pressed on the glass and led me out of the room. I sighed. I really didn't want the day to start yet. There was so much shit to do for the preparation of Thanksgiving dinner tonight and thinking about it made my head spin. I rubbed my temples when we got into the warm kitchen and I dropped into one of the plush dining chairs. My husband was already making me Ovaltine hot chocolate before I could even think to ask. If there's anything I'm thankful for, it's him, I thought to myself. I let my head drop onto the table, my forehead feeling cool against the granite.
"I don't wanna do this," I said. I put my hands over my head as if surrendering to the headache I knew I would have later.
"Yes you do, otherwise you wouldn't have offered to have it here," said my voice of reason, making his way over with the steaming hot cups of cocoa. He sat down next to me and rubbed my back in soft circles. I sighed and turned my head on the table to look at him. He smiled a groggy smile at me.
"Why don't you make a to-do list?" he suggested.
"Actually, that's not a bad idea. You should make one too," I said sitting up.
"No, I don't need one. I have my own list right up here," he said pointing to his brain. I raised an eyebrow and wrapped my hands around the warm cup.
"Okay, well don't complain to me when you forget what you have to do later." I got out of the chair, gripping the mug by it's handle, and went to find a pad and pen to write down my tasks for the day.
"My list isn't as long yours is." He stuck his tongue out at me.
"Yeah I guess you're right. The only things on your list are taking up space, making a sandwich, and annoying the shit out of my wife."
"You forgot 'eating the sandwich'," he said, winking at me when I rolled my eyes. I rumaged through the drawer where the office supplies were usually stowed until I found a purple pen and a paper pad with kittens on it. I made my way back over to him and wrote "THE LIST" on the first line of the paper.
"So, what's first?" he asked putting his head on my shoulder. The sweet scent of his golden hair wafted through my nose.
"Hm, I have to go to grocery store and get ingredients for the yams, the string beans in my grandmother's sauce, the stuffing...uhm..what else?"
"The turkey?"
"No. YOU'RE doing that," I stated strongly.
"WHAT?! I don't know how to cook a turkey!"
"I'm cooking it, but you and my mother are going to pick it out together for some bonding time." I could've sworn that his lower left eyelid twitched slightly.
"Isn't it the woman's job to get the birds for Thanksgiving?" he protested.
"That's why you're going." And it was final. What was he going to say to that?
"Oh, just you wait. I'll get you back."

Oh Pokemon.

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 01:28:41 GMT

I remember walking through my front door of my house in Pallet Town, listening to the faint sounds of my mother humming a song I didn't know and a familiar scent of a home-cooked dinner wafting through my nose. Pikachu hopped on my shoulder to get a better whiff and almost passed out from the wonderful smell. I closed the door behind me, careful not to disturb Mr. Mime, who had already greeted us while sweeping front steps when we arrived (no doubt a chore my mother would've made me do if I didn't leave so oftern). I silently removed my sneakers and placed them on the mat before taking my first steps onto the plush carpet. My toes sunk into the fabric as they have done many times before and I sighed in bliss. I saw my mom, with her back facing me, in the kitchen cleaning the dishes by hand. She knew I was finally coming back today after six months of traveling with Brock and Dawn in the Sinnoh region so that explained the meal. Pikachu had a feeling there was going to be a heartfelt reunion so he climbed down my left arm and bounded into the the living room to curl up on the couch.

"Hey, Mom. Miss me?" I asked, entering the kitchen. My heart swelled when I saw my mom turn her head to face me, her eyes brimming with tears.

"Welcome home, Ash," she said through a smile. She took off her dishwashing gloves to give me a big embrace. "You should visit me more. I get so worried about you." I felt so small, like I was ten years old again, putting my arms around her waist and inhaling her scent. Lavender and clean laundry.

I broke the hug and grinned at her. "You shouldn't have to. I always come back don't I?"

"I guess so...but not as frequent as I'd like." I gave her a skeptical look.

"Mom, if I'm ALL THE WAY in the Sinnoh region, I can't just pop in to say hey whenever I feel like it. It takes days and days to get back here!" I exclaimed.

"That's no excuse." If I was an anime character, I would've sweatdropped. "Anyways, where are your friends? I cooked for five."

"Brock went back to Pewter to stay with his family for awhile and Dawn stayed behind in Sinnoh to work on her skills as a trainer." I walked over to the kitchen table and took a seat on one of the dining chairs.

"Oh, that's too bad honey, I know you were all very close with each other." Delia said sympathetically.

"You make it sound like I'll never see them again!" She shot me a frown. "I know I will."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Well, I've seen Misty a few times haven't I?" I retorted, suddenly having the image of the fiery redhead walking through the front doors to yell at me for not calling her.

Which reminded me...

"Yes. I guess that's true. Why don't you get ready for supper dear? I left pajamas for you on your bed." I blushed.

"Alright. See ya in a bit."

I exited the kitchen and started ascending the steps up to my bedroom, Pikachu short in tow. I took the short journey down the hallway to my old bedroom which was nestled in the corner of the house and I approached the door. You couldn't even tell that it was a wooden door because of the Pokemon posters and signs reading "KEEP OUT: Pokemon Masters Only!" and "WARNING: LEGENDARY POKEMON IN POSSESION". Of course, when I was ten, my "legendary pokemon" was a stuffed Zapdos that I hot for my birthday that previous year. A wave of nostaglia came over me when I turned the knob, remembering all of the times that I would bound into the room and catch my Zapdos over and over again. The room looked a lot cleaner that I recalled, but I should've expected that my mom and Mimey would attack it the second I ventured out on my latest adventure.

My bed, which was to the right of my room, had a pokeball bedspread which, if I remember, came with my Voltorb alarm clock that would alert me with the high-pitched chirp of a Pidgey. Sure enough, it was resting on one of my many shleves along with my Poliwag pencil sharpener and Clefairy piggy bank. The sunlight streaming through the sole window accented the seafoam green walls, making the posters above my bed pop. There was a poster with the starter pokemon Charmander, Bulbasaur and Squirtle on it and then a poster of every gym leader in Kanto, who were staring back at me with their badges extended in their hands.

My eyes immediately went to the familiar face on Pewter City's Gym Leader: Brock. His eyebrows His serious face made me chuckle a bit because the picture did not do his personality justice.

Oh zombie.

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 16:19:13 GMT

Sleep was becoming more and more of a rarity for Rusty Barnes. His weary eyes wandered to the crib on the far left corner of the room and stalled there for a moment before closing, immediately regretting the feeling of his lids folding over his dry eyeballs. Dread filled his body as if the in-human crying had already awoken his stupored senses. He was just waiting for the wailing, knowing that the second he let his guard down, the shrieking sound would make him jump out of his skin. And it wasn’t a normal baby’s cry.

No.

Not even close.

It made him shiver; it made him twitch; it gave him nightmares just thinking about it. He was just happy that his wife was blessed with a dreamless sleeping pattern and had the ability to succumb to the drowsiness that he could not. Her face was peaceful, even in the darkness he could tell. Her lips were parted slightly, taking in the oxygen as silently as she could. Even in slumber she tried not to awake the sleeping beast in that far left corner, waiting for the opportune moment to slash the silence to pieces. Rusty let out a tiny sigh and shuffled the blankets so he was facing Gerri, her red hair sprawled out in every direction. She stirred slightly and muttered something incoherent under her breath.

“Gerri?” he whispered, thinking she was awake. She grunted as a reply, not wanting to use the little energy she had on speech. The clock on the bedside table flashed 2:46 AM.

“You alive?” he said in a louder whisper. The second the words left his mouth, there was a ruffling of sheets from that left corner and there was a hiccup. Gerri opened one eye and strained to see his silhouette next to her. She hushed him.

“You’ll wake the baby,” Gerri scolded softly.

“The undead never sleep,” Rusty scoffed. Gerri frowned in the darkness.

“How do you know?”

“Because he never shuts his eyes. Not even to blink!” Rusty said, his voice increasing in volume. Another hiccup reached the ears of the human couple, and they tensed.

“You’re being ridiculous, Rusty. Now try to get some sleep.”

“What do you think I’ve been doing for the past five weeks since he’s gotten here? Ever since that thing arrived, we’ve both been robbed of sleep!” he angrily whispered. Gerri narrowed her eyes.

“Henry is NOT a thing. He’s our child, zombie or not. He’s our creation and we must love him the way he is!”

“Gerri, his favorite chew toy is my ankle.”

“That’s normal at this age! He’s teething,” Gerri defended.

“For a three year old regular baby it’s normal. For a month and a half old ZOMBIE baby? Nothing’s normal.”

“Well, he did you a favor by eating the rabbits that destroyed your garden.”

“I’d rather have a chewed up eggplant than a blood bath sitting in the yard.”

“It wasn’t that bad…”

“I found the bunny’s head in the bathtub.”

“Okay, maybe it was, but he was just trying to help.”

“We’re gonna end up like that bunny if we don’t get rid of it while we can.”

“Rusty! You don’t mean…”

“It’s got to go Gerri.”

“HE’S not going anywhere and his name is Henry.”

“No. The baby WAS Henry before it died and reanimated.”

“He loves us.”

“He loves the way we TASTE.”

“Stop it!”

“No! Admit it Gerri, it’s an abomination.”

“He’s our abomination and I love him.”

“That makes one of us.” Gerri got quiet and Rusty immediately regretted those words.

“You…you really mean that?” she whispers meekly. Rusty’s heart wilted like an overheated sunflower.

“I didn’t mean it Gerri…I just…I can’t get used to the fact that my son sleeps with a hand instead of a teddy bear. I can’t own a husky because he’ll eat his insides for a snack. I can’t even sleep at night wondering if I’ll wake up in one piece. I’m worried about our sanity and our safety.”

“I don’t care. If he eats me, it’ll be for a good cause.”

“Gerri, c’mon now.”

“…I’m scared too ok!? But I want to try. I think it’ll be fun.”

“Oh REAL fun. Just wait until he starts eating the neighbors.”

“About that…”

“…no. He didn’t.”

“It was only Mr. Johnson.”

“ONLY Mr. Johnson?!”

“He was old anyway!”

“THAT’S NOT AN EXCUSE!”

The quarreling couple ceased their harsh whispers when a sniffle came from the crib.

“Oh no…” Rusty moaned, sitting up in his bed, eyes on the corner.

A loud, booming roar awoke the neighborhood with a startle.

Yeah I know. It's extremely off-the-bat and amateur but I wrote it as a little inside joke between me and Russ Barnable XD (Rusty Barnes? How un-original...). I'm actually ashamed of it because of how bad and juvinalle the dialouge is but...I think it's funny.

It's just "cute".

Anyways, I can't wait to get a laptop so I can start on the story "What the Ocean Seas". UGH IT'S GONNA BE SO FUCKIN' AWESOME!!

But I still have the stupid Will story to finish.....that's ALSO awful. It's one GIANT TANGENT.

Oh attempt VII.

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 20:02:28 GMT

Chapter 7: Half Your Heart Fell

When do you think he'll wake up?

Whenever the Force decides that it's time for him to see the light of day.

Amen, bro'.

You're all retarded. Let's try slpashing water on him.

No! I'm not getting my couch wet. It'll get moldy...

BARK!

Can I pway wif him?

Surely Chris.

It's Panda.

Right.

Hold on a sec', I think he's coming to!

Will? Can you hear me? It's Matt.

What if he forgot who I am?

You care Ryan?

Hehe. Mush Kobey! MUSH.

"The fuck....?"

BARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah I care! I want him to remember who I am so then he'll know why he has bruised ribs.

That was really dick of you to kick him while he was knocked uncncious.

"HE KICKED ME!?"

He deserves it.

He saved your son!

"Why is it so goddamn loud?"

Yeah no thanks to YOU.

THE FORCE IS NOT PLEASED.

"Ugh....shut up will you? My head is killin' me." I murmur, finally finding my voice.

"You woke him up!" I hear a voice scold. I'm pretty sure it's DiCo.

"No. You did with your stupid Force talk." And that one...I can't quite put a face to.

"Hey! Don't make fun of my beliefs." I peek one eye open and suddenly I'm greeted with the familiar faces of three men.

"DUDE! YOU'RE ALIVE!" exclaims my old, dear friend Matthew Hottinger. He grins down at me. "How're ya feelin'? Sorry for almost killin' ya."

"It's alright. Although, it feels like someone shot me in the ribcage RYAN." I moan whilst gripping my side. Ryan smirks at his damage.

"You deserved it." Ryan replies coldly.

"Would you stop saying that Ryan? Will never hurt you physically." Alex says, sticking up for me. My heart swells with happiness that someone's on my side for the first time in years.

"Yes he did! He stabbed me in the back." Ryan folds his arms and glances sideways at me. Kobear whines in the background.

"Oh, get over yourself." DiCo growls at him.

"I still think he deserved it." Hottinger and Alex groan in unison. Matt sits in a nearby chair and rolls his eyes.

"I give up." Alex shouts to no-one in particular, throwing his hands up in the air and walks over to the dog and his "playmate" to supervise. Panda was sitting ontop of Kobear as if he was ontop of a horse.

"You know what? I'd say I deserved that if I didn't put myself in the middle of a New York City street to rescue Chris while you stood there like a moron." I shoot back finally.

"You don't think I was going to save him?"

"Ryan, you FROZE." I recall. Ryan glares daggers at me. If looks could kill...

"Are you calling me an uncaring parent?"

"Don't you DARE put words in my mouth!" I shout, sitting up. The pain came all too quickly.

"OW." I lay back down hugging my torso in hope that it'd ease the shooting pains.

"Admit it Ryan, you may be his watcher-overer or whatever he calls you, but you have no ablity to spring into action during his time of need."

"You didn't have to do that." Ryan mutters, not looking at me in the eyes.

"Yeah, but I did. Imagine what would've happened if I didn't?" The room went silent at the thought of a mangled child's body underneath a truck tire. His lifeless eyes staring at all who loomed over him. Ryan, holding him in his arms, with the guilt spreading over his body like wildfire...

Ryan says nothing.

"I think we're just about even now." I sigh leaning back against the pillow. I hold my arm out to Ryan. "Can we start over?"

He stares at my hand and bites his cheek, contemplating his next action. If he didn't accept my offer, he'd be a major asshole but if he did, it might hurt his stupid pride.

"Thanks for saving Chris." he says, brushing past my outstretched arm. "See you at the party." And with that said, he walks over to Chris/Panda who was giving Kobear a bellyrub, oblivious to what had been happening.

"Chris? I gotta walk you home now buddy." Ryan says. Chris nods and waves to all of us as him and Ryan leave the apartment together.

"So...does that mean you two a best friends again or what?" Hottie inquires after a few moment of silence. I stare at the door with a blank look on my face and then shut my eyes.

"I don't know."

Kobear wags his cute little self over to me and rests his head on my arm. I give him a small smile and pat his head while he closes his eyes in bliss. Alex walks over to the door and locks it before coming back to the couch.

"Well now that we know Chris is safe and Ryan is on his way to forgive you, I need to know if you're going to Liana's party. I'm going over to see her tonight so I can help her set it up for tomorrow," he informs us. Hottinger snickers.

"You still want her." I bust out laughing even though it hurts like hell. DiCo glares.

"No I don't! She's just a wonderful ally." He pauses. "And besides, she's still with Jimmy."

"Some things never change." I say with a grin. Kobear licks my face. "God, I missed you guys." The two full grown men chuckle and then through our laughter, my stomach growls.

"I'm assuming you're staying for dinner?" he asks. I smile stupidly at him.

"Yeah. If you don't mind." Alex sighs at me.

"You live here Will. I was asking Hottinger."

"You're not gonna cook are you DiCo?" Matt says, cutting in. "I have a giant truck FILLED with some good shit."

"Oooh! Like what?" I eaggerly ask, practically drooling.

"Teriyaki chicken on sticks, coconut shrimp with marmalade sauce, pigs in a blanket, sweet potato fritters and lamb with horseradish sauce." He rattles off. Suddenly, something feels wet on my hand. Kobear was drooling enough for the both of us.

"But isn't that other people's food?" DiCo says with wide eyes.

"I got my good friend Joey to get his truck over there since I had to look over Will to make sure he was ok."

"Bullshit. You just didn't want to get arrested for hitting someone."

"Well...there's a little bit of both." he shyly admits. Same ol' Hottie.

"But I have to ask. Matt, how come you aren't mad?" He blinks at me through his thick rimmed glasses.

"You mean at you?"

"Yeah."

"Well, to be honest, I was prepared for it." I look at him stunned from shock.

"Really?"

"Yeah. My parents always told me that our high school friends may not always stick around in our lives. Obviously I was pissed for a long time because you never said goodbye but then I moved on and hoped that you would try and find me." He turns to look at me. "And here you are. Except I sorta found you." His explanation took some weight off of my shoulders. I thought he was definately gonna take it the hardest. We were closer than close.

It was the Four Amigos: Ryan, Matt, Mike and I. Always getting into trouble but having the greatest adventures. Road trips, band practices, running from cops...well maybe not the last one, but I missed those days of my youth.

Smoking cigars on the roof of our cars at the end of a hot summer day; racing each other to work; talking about how awful/amazing our girlfriends were nd not to mention that I always kicked Mike's ass in beer pong. What I would give to just challenge that numbskull one more time...

That reminds me...

"So what happened to Mike?" I suddenly spurt out. Matt seemed caught of guard because he was lost in the memories as well.

"Well THAT was off-topic. He's in Michigan."

"Still?" DiCo responds with slight confusion. Hottinger nods.

"You bet. He's taking over his dad's company but he wants to set it up in different locations."

I guess I'll never make up with him. Maybe one day I'll grab the remaining Amigos to crash his office. I can just imagine the look on his face...

~

The small dining table in DiCo's kitchenette was filled with h'ordeuvres and good eating. Our stomachs were stuffed from the food and our cheeks ached from the light conversation of our childhood. I wrapped my chest in bandages to keep myself from hurting my ribs too much. Laughing though, didn't help.

"Once again, Will. Are. You. Going. To. The. God. Forsaken. Party?" Alex says with a mouthful of lamb. The accidental dinner provided by Hottinger was the best I've had in awhile. To think he actually cooked it himself too!

"Yeah I am." I finally admit.

"You're not worried about what could happen to you?"

"Surprisingly...no. I thought Hottinger was gonna be even more upset than Ryan was and I was DEFINITIELY waiting for him to shoot me in the face. I got off easy with bruised ribs." Alex suddenly cheers.

"Woohoo!! I better go tell Liana!" Alex says getting up to put his dirty dish in the sink.

"Ooh. I guess you wanna start headin' over to Lee's apartment huh?" pushes Mattie, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Alex grabs his jacket and the bags of decorations he bought from Party City from the previous week.

"S-shut-up. It's getting late."

"It's only 8:30," I say, leaning back in my dinner chair and chewing a toothpick. I swear Kobear just snickered at his owner.

"Well there's no way she set up for the party by herself!" he assures us through a flushed face. I chuckle as I watch Matt slip something into his back pocket and pats it for good luck.

"Use a condom my friend." The look on Alex's face is PRICELESS as he mutters something neither of us could understand and bounds out of the apartment. We stare at the door after him and listen to his footsteps run hurriedly the stairs to the outside streets of NYC.

"Now what?" I ask, folding my arms. Matt strokes his chin hairs and ponders for a moment before answering.

"Hm. I guess we can get a drink or something. How does that sound?" I nod in agreement.

"Ruff!" Kobear barks and then wags his tail. His tongue hangs out on the side of his mouth in excitement. I give him a puzzled look and look to Matt.

"Should we bring the dog?" he asks. Kobear trots over to us with his red leash and looks at his with his puppy dog eyes. I smile.

"I don't see why not," I answer, taking the leash from his mouth and attatching it to his collar. I shut the lights off in the miniature house and lock the door, leaving with a human-like canine, an old friend and memories of how I used to be. It's funny how much we didn't change and how much we could've.

After locking up the Collecter's Universe and putting the key in the secret sidewalk, we start by taking a left down 43rd hoping we'd pass by a bar or a pub. The cold November wind blows through my hair and make my cheeks turn a slight shade of pink.

I glance at the men at their little stands while they beg others to buy their scarves. Every New Yorker passes by without even acknowledging a presence and it makes my heart ache that we can be so callous as human beings. But that's how it is. You gotta make a living somehow.

Then I start to notice people staring at us. What the...?

"Hey, have you noticed the looks we've been getting from everyone?" I ask Matt as Kobear decides to pee over the sewer. Smart dog.

"Yeah. It's kinda weird." I agree and take a deep breath of winter air. "It's so nice at this time of year isn't it?"

"Mhm." Matt nods his head and we stop at the crosswalk. All the cars zing by while some impatient people try to sneak their way to the other side.

"I can't believe I'm here. It feels so freakin' great." I say, noticing how my bitterness is slowly leaving me.

"What's so great? The feeling of smog entering your lungs or the stench of nasty burnt pretzels?" he states, scrunching his nose at the thought of it.

"That, and it's my home. New York is my state. It's fucking bullshit adjusting to the south when you've lived in the north for so long," I complain.

"It was all by choice ya know? You could've came back whenever you wanted."

"And here I am. Happy as pie." The lights turns green and we start to cross over.

"Especially now that we've found each other again. Merry Christmas! Santa came early!" Matt says stupidly.

"Aw how sweet!" I hear suddenly as we pass by a lesbian couple. They give us a thumbs up and continue walking.

"Oh. THAT'S why we've been getting stared at." I confirm. Matt starts getting defensive.

"CAN'T TWO GUYS WALK THEIR FRIENDS DOG TOGETHER WITHOUT BEING ACCUSED OF BEING GAY!?" he shouts to no one in particular.

"I guess not." I shrug and continue walking when Kobear finishes his business. "So what've you been doing these past decade?"

"Well I know what YOU'VE been doing. I heard your single on the radio. That's farther than I've ever gotten with a band." he says with a sigh. I remembered how it's always been Hottinger's dream to be known in the musical world. He's one of the greatest drummers I've ever known. I turn red.

"It's not even that great..." I say looking up at the skyscrapers above me. When's it gonna snow?

"Oh, stop being so modest Will," he gives me look. "It's wonderful and you know it." Then I get an idea.

"How could you like to be my drummer next time I do a show in New York?" I suggest innocently. He stops short .

"SERIOUSLY? BRO! THAT'S AMAZING! YOU'RE DOING ME A GIANT SOLID." he screams, doing some sort of odd happy dance.

Before I can give him a grin, I spot Doughty's Drinks on the corner of 43rd and 9th.

What're the odds?

The golden letters that rested atop the store's brick exterior was incredibly subtle. It was nestled right in between a giant Victoria's Secret and a restaurant called Salty's Spitoon. It looked so out of place but so perfect.

God knows I needed a drink.

I place my hand on the grip of the glass doors and swing them open revealing the interior of the place. The floor is covered in black shiny tiles and the walls hold five old fashioned lamps on each side making the whole bar hauntingly dim. A television is set up in the upper left corner; it is currently not turned on. Table's are lined against the wall with peanuts in bowls on each one. I can even hear the faint sound of a jazz singer pouring her heart out into the airwaves keeping the atmosphere calm. Red, cushioned stools line the bar with only one occupant on the end of it. A woman with her head faced down on the bar making odd noises.

"Ungh.....Minister....Magic..."

Like that.

There's only one worker from what we can see and she's cleaning the inside of a martini glass with a wet rag with her back facing us. Her frizzy brown hair is pulled back into a ponytail making it poof out even more and she's singing something. Badly. That's when we notice the ear phones embedded in her ears.

"IM NOT GONNA WRITE YOU NO LOVE SONG. CAUSE YOU ASKED FOR IT."

We sit at the opposite end of the bar and wait for her to come over to us and get our orders. When she makes no indication that she even noticed we walked in, Matt says 'Hello?', hoping it'd get her attention. It doesn't.

She starts to move her hips to the beat of her iPod and we watch as she stands on a step stool to hang the Martini glass upside down on a rack with all the others. I can't believe how short she was.

"Excuse me?" Matt says a little louder.

Still nothing. Kobear

"Alright. You wanna play hard to get? Fine. Ahem." He clears his throat and I cover my ears. "EXCU-"

"AVADA KADABRA!" shouts the mystery woman from the end of the bar. The short woman from behind the bar falls off the stool from shock, shreiking in the process. ;angind with a thud, we cuiously peer over the bar to see her panting heavily and putting a hand over her heart to slow it down.

"She scared the bejeezers out of me!" she exclaims to us, finally noticing that we're alive.

"What did Andre say about screaming random spells in front of the customers?" she scolds the woman after dusting herself off. The woman stares at her blankly and then puts her head back down on the granite that lines the long strip of bar.

"Ugh. I'm so sorry about that. What can I get you boys?" she says, finally turning to face. Her chocolate eyes twinkle with innocence. She's so fucking cute.

"I'll have a-" I start to say, but Matt cuts me off.

"Hold on a second. Are you Rebecca Frank?!" she stares at us with wide eyes.

"OHMYFUCKINGGOD IS IT REALLY YOU MATT? AND WILL!?! ARE YOU HERE FOR THE PARTY? I KEEP SEEING EVERYONE. I EVEN SAW MEG AND ANDRE'S GONNA BE SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU. I JUST STARTED WORKING A FEW WEEKS AGO AND AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" she screams jumping up and down.

Thus, knocking over a vodka bottle.

"Oops. I can fix it!" she says with confidence. Matt's eye starts to twitch.

"How do you propose on fixing a broken glass bottle?" I curiously ask.

"That's what I'd like to know." says a deep voice from the back of us. Becca's eyes suddenly widen to the size of dinner plates.

"I'm so sorry Andre! It was an accident!" she pleads. The tall black man in a white button down shirt rolls his eyes as he walks towards us. He looks as if he's the epitome of suave taking off his hat and slinging his peacoat over his arm.

"Nothing we can do now. Just make sure you don't slice your foot when you're cleaning it up." he then turns to us and raises an eyebrow. "You two look oddly familiar..."

"Sure thing. I'll be right back!" she says as she scurries away to grab a broom.

"This has GOT to be the weirdest two days of my life!" I exasperate.

"Oh honey...you haven't seen NOTHING yet."

And then before I know it, Trevor's standing behind Andre in nothing but a sparkly pink speedo and a feather boa.

"Oh. My. God."

Oh lesson IX.

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 18:55:35 GMT

Life Lesson #9: Always check the weather forecast before you go on vacation.

You might just end up in the RAIN all goddamn week.

Oh invisibility.

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 06:32:59 GMT

The Ghost and The Statue

I'm dead to him.

I'm a ghost that looms over him.

Wanting to touch.

But my body goes right through him.

He talks to me when he's lonely.

But I feel like my answers never reach his ears.

He looks directly at everyone else.

He pays attention to them

And laughs.

Why am I different?

Why can't I ever make him laugh?

I make him scowl in annoyance.

And he doesn't move.

I place my fingertips atop his scalp and move them around slowly.

I trace his hairline.

I feel his eyes close in relaxation.

I trace his jawline.

He takes a deep breath.

And suddenly it's over.

Just take me in your arms.

I feel like I'm screaming this to him.

No reaction.

The sun warms his body.

It makes mine disappear.

It all makes sense to me now.

We can't be together.

Because we don't make sense at all.

Oh progress.

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 20:03:14 GMT

Characters (and who they're based off of):

Wallace "Ace" -Will
Gus -Jimmy
Rusty -Alex
Scorpio -Kober
Leroy "Roy" -Andre
Jack -Mike A
Ben -Matt A
Toby -Trevor
Katerina "Kat" -Gina
Jesabelle -Jacy
Annette?? -Arista
Lottie?? -Liana
Holly -Becca
Jane?? -Meg

...I feel like I'm missing people @.@

Anyways, the while story takes place in the Bermuda Triangle and it's like...a world inside of a world. And it shows that the bad guys dont always lose. Theres romance, drama, comedy, adventure and tragedy so I got all the basic elemnets covered... It's gonna be SICK.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Oh lesson VIII.

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 15:34:19 GMT

Life Lesson #8: Never wear white pants on your period....on second thought, never wear them at all.

Oh lesson VII.

Wed, 27 May 2009 00:37:33 GMT

Life Lesson #7: Curiosity killed the cat. Satisfaction brought her back. Lust led the kitten astray. And now the cat's back in her grave.

Be careful little kitten.

Oh Hershey.

Mon, 25 May 2009 14:33:58 GMT

Here's some pictures :D

Oh lesson VI.

Mon, 25 May 2009 14:08:08 GMT

Life Lesson #6: Instead of paying three bucks for an aquafina, ask for some free tap water or find a water fountain. Fuck that shit.

Hershey park was AMAZING besides the expensive water bit. I went on every roller coaster in 2 days except for Farenheit cause I'm a pussy like that (one day I chilled with my vocal jazz group and when they left my family and the Gahagans met me there). Seriously though...I felt like I ate my way around the park (corndog, funnelcake, slushie, ice cream...@.@)

But the whole reason my vocal group was there in the first place was for a competition against other schools in different states. Vocal jazz, 9th grade band and orchestra went :) For the performance we had to dress up in white and black with red accents....all formal and shit.

I wore jeans, sneakers with mismatching laces and a white flowered headband with a red shirt. And somehow, we won first place after singing O Sifuni Mungu and Fire in The Furnace...and I won an Outstanding Soloist Award. I honestly never felt so proud of myself and my school....we did the wave, the T-bird rumble, school chants...I wanted to die from happiness. Haefele was so proud and the fact that he's retiring makes me so sad....

The new teacher has some big shoes to fill.

Oh lesson V.

Fri, 22 May 2009 00:20:41 GMT

Life Lesson #5b: If you hold someones hand that is of the opposite sex and color, you can feel the spark between your palms and realize that theyre not really all that different than us.

They're beautiful.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Oh lesson III and IV.

Fri, 15 May 2009 14:02:13 GMT

Life Lesson #3: If you try to be smooth, there's a 75% chance you'll fail.

Will: *kisses me and pulls away slowly so we lock eyes* See you later. * smirks*
Gina: *blushes*
Will: *starts walking backwards out the door and walks right into it and falls*

Life Lesson #4: If you want something as much as your best friend does, tell him/her before someone else does and they end up losing all trust in you. Now the question is: Is it really worth it?

Oh development.

Fri, 08 May 2009 16:30:17 GMT

I know it's bad luck to name a story/book before it's written but I honestly came up with a really good name.

What the Ocean Seas

:] Clever huh? It got me EXTREMELY excited because I had started this project idea a longass time ago and I never really expanded on it. However now I'm going to make it happen.

First off, I'd like to share with you a few names that I've come up with for characters.

Captain Wallace "Ace"

Jesabelle

LAAAAA

Oh darn.

Thu, 07 May 2009 14:19:19 GMT

Frick. This pirate story is gonna take forever to write @.@ Yes, the characters are based off my friends again...but this time I'm using pirate names.

Suggestions?

Also...I need to do some research on the background of pirates. Their history and such. (and I have to make sure it's nothing like pirates of the Caribbean. XD)

But I don't known if I should write it modern day or like in the 1800s. HALP!

Besides that lovliness...I'm in love with Princess, my fat, fluffy companion. :]

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Oh novel.

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 20:48:45 GMT

Ok. I'm back.

I don't know how LONG I'll be back for but...you know the drill. I drift in and around this ~~little~~ bloggy of mine whenever I feel like it. And right now...I feel like it. But I also have come to the conclusion...that I wanna write for the rest of my life.

I legit LOVE doing it. I get so proud of it all the time!!! :] It really does help my confidance...now all I need is a laptop XD

Anyways quick update:

-New BFFs: Mike Amore and Matt Aizaga. I seriously adore them and they're apart of my Left 4 Dead crew (DiCo, Kev, Barnable, etc..)

-As everyone knows I'm a zombie maniac and now that I have an up and running XBOX with XBOX LIVE...there's no stopping me >:]

-I still LOVE Will <3 Even though we've been shakey lately.

-Jacy and I have become really close.

-Arista and I are halfway done with our 2nd (techincally 3rd) rant folder :3

-Liana's dating Matt Jurman. [They're ADORBS]

-I adore Nevershoutnever. ^^

-IM GOING TO BAMBOOZLE THIS SATURDAY WITH BECCA [even though I have the SAT's that same morning....-.-;;]

-East in Lights is Friday at 7 in the High School East Lecture Hall. :[ I wish I had an act of my own. OH WELL.

-Once Upon A Mattress was amazing. I love my new directors with so many passions it's insane. [I still text Ms. Aronica once in a while XD]

-I STILL miss Villa Roma. It's pretty insane...

-SUMMER IS AROUND THE BEND. YES.

-BUT THERE ARE BEES. NO.

-I finally bought my Insolance....just in time to NOT wear it. My mom says if I wear perfume...the bees will want me O.o

-I'm about to read Bet Me for the 4th time.

-I cut my hair off and dyed it red ;P

-I NEED A MANI-PEDI WITH ALEX.

-Trevor's still gay.

-Jenna and Tara still live with each other.

-And I love life. :]

Off that topic:

I wanna write a book.

About pirates.

And it's going to be a love story. ROMANCE/ADVETURE/COMEDY/TRAGEDY. OH BOY.

{Oh yeah. Fuck the Will story. That's not going anywhere XD I'll rewrite it one day :/}

BUT UNTIL THEN...It will forever be a mystery. ;]

Oh lesson III.

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 20:27:37 GMT

Life Lesson #3: The "Once you're in doubt. it's over" rule...doesn't apply to everyone.

My boyfriend and I almost broke up 3 times this past week and a half...and I promise that it's making us stronger. We found the problem, fixed it, and now we can move on. I suggest that every couple do what we do so you guys dont give up on each other.

Because then it would be just wasted time.

Oh lesson II.

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 13:47:01 GMT

Life Lesson #2: If your mother starts making jokes/commenting on your sex life TO your significant other and he/she doesn't run away...then it's love.

My mother, Will and I were in the kitchen. Will thought it's be fun to make english muffin pizzas and bring them back to our friends in school. So, while putting sauce on one of them, I almost knock the whole tray of english muffins over .

Gina: Motherf-
Mom: You almost cursed didn't you!
Gina: But I didn't right? It's not like I would curse in front of you anyway!
Mom: Yeah but you curse in front of Will.
Will: Oh no! My virgin ears!
Mom: Your ears are the only virgin part of you.

.....:0

Oh lesson.

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 01:14:34 GMT

Life Lesson #1: Your real friends are the ones that come back to you; even when you make mistakes. They're there to tell you that you're a bitch, you're wrong and that they still love you no matter how many times you act like a retard.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Oh attempt VI.

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 03:35:39 GMT

Chapter 6: Introduction's End

Ryan crosses his arms. "Welcome back. Never thought you'd show up."

I blink and try to grasp the fact that I was face-to-face with my old best friend and he had yet to punch me in the face. But after a few seconds I shake my head.

"Heh. Yeah. It's been awhile right?" I say with a sense of steady awkwardness that's floating in the air. Chris/Panda gets bored that we're not paying attention to him and he starts to kick around a Coke can that someone dropped at one point. Ryan looks down at him and then back at me.

"You know don't you?" He asks, referring to the fact that the kid's his own kin.

"Yeah Alex told me." I say nodding. Ryan shrugs.

"Figures."

Silence sews our mouths shut except for the clinking of the can against the pavement and the busy sounds of the city.

"So...what brings you here?" he suddenly asks. I panic but answer him truthfully.

"Liana's ice cream party. You going?"

"Can't. She's gonna be there with him." he tells me, his words dripping with loathing.

"What? So just because she's gonna be there means that you're not allowed to do anything?"

"I don't wanna get involved." he mumbles and shuffles his feet.

"Wow. I can see someone has yet to grow up." I mutter. He hears me.

"Look who's talking."

"At least I came back!" I shout, raising my voice.

"Ten years a little too fucking late!"

"Watch your mouth in front of him. Great example for your own kid." I look around to make sure Chris is safe but I don't see him.

"Shut up! You think you can order me around now that you decide it's ok to enter my life again? Fat chance Will."

"Hey, hold on a sec-"

"I don't have to do anything."

"I said hold on a second. I can't find your son where is he?" I look around frantically and pray that he's in the store. Ryan runs up the steps to Collector's Universe when he notices the same thing. DiCo comes running out, glasses askew, granting us with the information that Chris didn't return. I look across the street and gasp.

Chris is running towards his Coke can that he kicked in the middle of the road and a truck is headed right for him.

The adrenaline in my veins make a sudden impulse run through my body like someone just lit my skin on fire.

But things seem to stop. A slow motion of sorts. Ryan's eyes widen but he remains frozen in place, watching in horror of what was about to happen and DiCo tried yelling "Stop!" to the catering truck that was heading for Ryan's son.

So I ran.

I sprinted not even thinking of the consequences and ran straight for the little boy in the middle of the street, innocently playing soccer with a soda can. Chris didn't even know what hit him.

In less then a few seconds, Chris was in my arms out of harms way. The truck immediately hits the brakes when it sees my form roll to the side of it. My heart rate hits an all time high and I can barely catch my breath when I feel the kid shake in my grip.

He's alive and so am I.

That's good. Even though I know I'm going to pass out soon. I can feel it. My whole body's going numb. The ridges of my vision are growing dark but I see the outlines of Alex and Ryan running across the street towards us and I can't help but smile. He's safe.

And then I hear:

"Yo man. I'm so sorry are you- Will?! IS THAT YOU?"

Hottinger?

Oh queen.

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 16:29:05 GMT

So I need to write a character biography for the part Queen Aggravain in Once Upon A Mattress. Is it weird that I'm freakin' excited!?! >:D

OK. IM REALLY FUCKIN' PISSED. I WROTE THIS WHOLE THING...AND ITS DELETED. FML.

Queen Aggravain

Once upon a time, there lived me. A genuine, bonafide royal ruler of the kingdom known as the Golden Meadows. Of course I married into royalty but there was a part of my past where I remember being on the lower levels of the social, political and economic totem poll.

To sum it up because I'm angry.

-I lived in the marsh land like whats-her-face and hated it cause I frizzed up my hair and moved to a castle when I was 8
-Father died when I was 4 and gave me a red cape one Christmas that I never took off.
-Mother became bitter when father died and overly obsessed with money so she married a man who lied about being wealthy. He had a daughter who became my step sister...Cinderella.
-I had a younger sister named Drizella who eloped with some peasant after finding true love and left me to deal with mother.
-I was sent off to many kingdoms to find a prince to marry but no one wanted me and got EXTREMELY pissed when mother told me it was because of the ugly red cape I wear 24/7
-I went to grandmother's house to ask her what I should do...and she got eaten by a mother fuckin' wolf. I slaid him out of rage....
-Went to the Golden Meadows kingdom to wash the blood off my hands and a young boy goosed me when I bent over the fountain
-I fell madly in love with him (apparently he was a prince) and he married me because he thought I was sexy with a sense of adventure
-I became power hungry after Dauntless was born and I fell in love with being Queen
-I told the King to SHUT UP one day...and he hasn't talked since. And it's made things easier...except he keeps running around like a fool.

FUCK. MY LIFE.

Oh contest.

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 02:57:19 GMT

We're breathing fast now.

Our hearts don't show signs of ceasing; the beats are pounding against our ribcages. The adrenaline is making them go wild, pounding the blood harder into our systems making us go dizzy. I put a hand to my chest as if to soothe my heart's nervousness but it continued to ba-dump against my breast. His eyes dance across my body with a need to touch it but he refrains from jumping the gun just yet. When he sees my hand gripping my pulse, his eyebrows furrow in concern and the tips of his fingers turns my face to look straight into the golden eyes I know so well. My eyes avert his stare so he leans in, putting his lips to the outer cartiledge of my ear, making me shudder.

"Do you trust me?" he whispers with a suddenly shaken tone. I think his confidence has broken down into fear of rejection. I kiss his cheek in response and take a step away from him to start shredding off my clothes. My button-up peasant blouse is no longer needed.

One button.

He doesn't take his eyes off me.

Another button.

His excitement levels are skyrocketing.

And another.

The only sounds breaking our silence is the waterfall of noise surrounding us. When the shirt falls to the floor revealing the nude colored bra underneath, I look to him with a blush tinted on my cheeks. He smiles now, his confidence returning and he takes off his shirt as well. I grin back feeling a little less nervous and a tad more into this procrastination game we're playing.

The pants are next.

The Levi jeans are so snug on my hips, hugging my skin to make me feel proctected and warm. They seem to be waving me goodbye after I unzip the zipper. Even when stepping out of them I notice the carefully weaved embroidered pockets crease over in sadness that there was no longer a body to fill. I let them drop to the floor and I realize I'm standing there on the top of a cliff wearing nothing but frilled panties and a bra. So I wait for my lover to mirror my movements. When he strips off his own pair, he steps closer to me in his light blue boxers. I giggle and he takes hold of my hand.

"You ready?" he asks.

I nod.

And we jump.

Oh answer.

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 03:00:58 GMT

Ok, since the story is on it's third hiaitus and I've run out of cute story ideas that don't involve sex in them, so I've decided to write little stories based on the 'Writer's Block' questions....'cause I'm that uncreative XD.

But the good thing about this is every story is based off one or more of my friends so...maybe you'll be written about ^^ [Fictionally of course]

....PLEASE DON'T HURT ME.

Do you ever go out to dinner (at a sit-down restaurant) by yourself?

View 500 Answers

Real Answer: No. Because I can't drive there. But I'm sure I will end up by myself at a restaurant....cause I'm a pathetic loser.

Short Story Answer: THERE USED TO BE ONE ABOUT TARA GOING TO AN ITALIAN RESTAURANT AND GOT DITCHED BY JENNA BECAUSE OF A SNOW STORM AND ENDED UP EATING SPAGHETTI BY HERSELF AND IT GOT ALL OVER HER FACE AND THEN THE HOT WAITER THOUGHT IT WAS CUTE AND ASKED HER OUT ON A DATE.

IT WAS ADORABLE BUT NO.

THE INTERNET HAD TO FAIL AND THE WHOLE THING HAD TO GET ERASED.

FML.

Oh sidestory II.

Thu, 15 Jan 2009 03:26:35 GMT

"Hey babe!"

"...."

"I said HEY BABE!"

"....hey."

"Whatcha up to huh?"

"...."

"Another one of your experiments?"

"....no."

"Then what're ya doin'?"

"....music."

"OHMAHGOSH! REALLY?"

"No. I said it 'cause I'm lying."

"Don't be sarcastic with your wife."

"...."

"Now...what song are you working on?"

"....I dunno."

"Oh don't be silly. You know EXACTLY what you're working on."

"....no. I don't"

"SING ME SOMETHING RUSSELL!"

"....I can't if I haven't WRITTEN it yet Jacy."

"Russell. Sing to your wife."

"....no."

"SING TO ME DAMNIT!"

"Ohh...you're gonna take me home tonight...fat bottomed girls...rockin' world...they're round..I think."

"Oh Russell...That was...that was beautiful."

"...are you crying?"

"...No..."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm NOT!"

"....liar."

"I THINK I WOULD KNOW IF I'M A LIAR. NO LOVE FOR YOU TONIGHT. YOU GET THE COUCH."

"....you take up half the bed anyway."

"...DID YOU JUST CALL ME FAT!?"

"...Jacy."

"YOU'RE SUCH AN ASSHOLE."

"....Jacy."

"WHY THE FUCK DID I MARRY YOU!?!? WHY!?!"

"JACY!!!!"

"....yes?"

"You're 8 months pregnant."

"Oh...right."

"Wanna go to bed?"

"Mhm..."

"I love you."

-sniff-

Oh attempt V.

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 03:48:17 GMT

Chapter 5: Situation Song

After Trevor left with shit stained shoes and Alex goes downstairs to open the store with Kobear, I decide it's a good time to shower. My hair is getting matted and I need thealone time to think about how I'm going to approach the damn party. I gulp and shudder at the possibilites.

In one scenario, I can see myself walking in all nonchalant and say:

"Hey guys! Remember me?" And then Ryan runs right up to me to punch me right between the eyes.

Or an even better one, Jacy comes up to me and cries into my arms...and then stabs me with a kitchen knife.

Or for the finale, I get shot.

It's time's like these when I wish I had a cigarette.

I make my way into Alex's bathroom with the comic strip wallpaper and superhero towels. It's actually the coolest part of Alex's apartment in my opinion because it suits him the most; unlike his room which is full of old pizza boxes and stacks of old comics.

I strip off my shirt and glance at myself in the mirror and think to myself: "Why am I even trying?'

I turn on the hot water and watch it squirt out into streams of steam while trying to think of a way out. But there is none. I came here to do something and this time, there's no way I'm going to back out of this. Otherwise, I'll have to live with even MORE guilt, Alex will REALLY hate me and that'll be the end of it. I get rid of the rest of my clothes when I see the mist spew over the top of the shower curtain.

The second my feet touch the wet ceramics of the bottom of the shower, I get chills from the warmth that spreads all over my back from the shower nozzle. My shoulders relax instantly and I shut my eyes in bliss. To feel fresh and clean is one of the greatest feelings in the world to me. Love is nothing compared to personal hygiene.

Okay. So that was a lie. Love was a thousand times better. I think.

It dawns on me that I forget what love was like. I don't remember how to love. While reaching for the Garnier Fructese (Nice homo shampoo DiCo. Where'd you get it from? Trevor?), I realize that it couldn't have been that important if I forget what it's like. Maybe I never really loved Jacy.

Which explains why I didn't wanna marry her in the first place.

When I would talk to Ryan about it, he'd always ask me "Do you love her?" and I'd say "Of course I love her.". But he never asked me why. In fact, that whole marraige talk was one of the catalysts to how I left in the first place. She overheard one of our talks about marriage and she took it the wrong way.

Completely the wrong way. She told all of our friends that we were getting engaged and they went insane with the news. Jenna then brought it upon herself to have an engagment party at her house so that I wouldn't suspect a thing.

Oh, it was a surprise alright.

Jenna made up some bullshit story of how she was making a movie project and needed my opinion on it so naturally, I drove over. When I went down the narrow stairway of her basement, the lights turned on and everyone screamed "CONGRATULATIONS". I had no idea what everyone was talking about of course, until Jacy came over to me and asked when she'd be getting the ring.

I turned white and didn't say a word. She shrugged and started chatting to Russell Feinstein about N64 and if she wanted it as an engagement present.

And then my old best friend Matt Hottinger patted me on the back and said something I'll never forget:

"This is it buddy. She's the one you're going to spend you're entire life with."

I full on panicked. This was all happening too fast.

"N-no. No way man. I can't do this yet." Matt gave me a weird look.

"Dude, Jacy said you guys were engaged. Is that true?" When the words flew out of his mouth, the room started to spin and my head throbbed like a tumor was spreading inside it. I shook my head and grabbed Jacy by the shoulders while she was stilll talking to Russ.

"Who said...we were getting hitched?" I said sternly so she would take me seriously. She obviously didn't and giggled.

"You did silly. I heard you telling Ryan." I look over at my blonde haired buddy who was sipping a monster and oblivious to the fact that he was being mentioned.

"Honey...I-I never said we were going to get married. He asked me if I was gonna ask you out of college." I said a little-too-loudly.

"Oh...and what...what did you say?" she says with embarassment spreading over her cheeks as the party guests turn their heads to hear what's going on.

"I said...I don't know." The room fell silent. Jacy, red in the face and tears in her eyes, ran upstairs and never came back down.

That night, I called and called and she never answered me. I left all these voicemails apologizing and saying everything I could so she would talk to me again. I couldn't reach her until the next day at school.

In the morning, we all met at the lecture hall like we always did except nobody moved when I walked over. I was about to greet everyone when Trevor put a finger to his lips and pointed over at the corner.

Jacy and Russell were making out. It felt like my eyes were burning out out of their sockets...

...Probably because I just got shampoo in them.

Ugh godfucking damnit.

~~~~~~

The second I walk down the stairs from the apartment after I'm all dressed and fresh, I see Chris over by the register purchasing Reese's sticks and a new comic. My heart stops when I realise that he looks exactly like his father when he smiles...

"Hey DogButt!" I hear him call out. I shoot him a look and walk over.

"Whaddaya want now kid?" I say trying to sound older and gruff. Alex rolls his eyes and gives Chris his change.

"Nuffin'. I just wanted ta say hi! Wanna see my sharpie tattoo?" he flashes me a toothy grin and I melt inside with guilt. I feel like I could've been there for him in his times of need. Or maybe Ryan could've.

"Yeah sure..." I say distantly. Where the hell is his father anyway? I view the thick black lines of a badly drawn cross on his left tricep.

"Do ya like it?" Alex leans over the counter to look at the scribble and lights up. God he's gonna be such a great dad one day I swear.

"Well of COURSE I like it Chris! You're a pretty good artist ya know." I say as-a-matter-of-factly. He gives me a weird look and then folds his arm.

"Actually DogButt, the name is Panda. My mommy likes to call me that because it's oonik." Arista you idiot...what are you teaching this boy?

"You mean unique?"

"Yeah-huh." I crouch down to his level to make a pact with him.

"Ok then. Well if I call you Panda, will you call me Will?"

"No." He eyes me closely until I stand up.

"Fair enough." I turn to Alex. "Busy day?"

"Nope. Pretty quiet actually." He replies without even looking up. "Chris here-"

"Panda." chirps the blonde boy.

"Right. Panda comes here almost everyday to buy a comic and Reeses Sticks. But he's actually allergic to peanut butter so I don't really understand that at all..." Chris/Panda ignores Alex and wanders away to the brand new poster of the Fantastic Four that hung on the wall opposite the counter.

"You know what's weird Alex, that candy was Ryan's favorite..." I say walking behind the register to stand next to Alex so I can observe the child almost identical to Ryan.

"You know what's weirder? You remembering that."

"You know what'd weirderer? You're face."

"Haha. Very funny."

"You know what's funnier? Your face."

"...Okay Will. I get it." I put myself in an annoying mood and I poke him in the side.

"EEEEEEHEEHEEHEEHEEAHHH!" He shrieks like a little girl. All eyes turn to the store owner who starts turning beet red from the outburst. I can't stop laughing.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU STILL SQUEAL LIKE THAT!" Alex shoves me to the side and folds his arms. Panda walks over interested and amused.

"Was that REALLY you?" Panda asks him. Before Alex could even attempt to redeem himself, I interrupt.

"Oh you bet it was." I answer for him. And then I wonder out loud.

"Hey Ch-I mean Panda, have you seen your dad lately?" I ask. Alex's eyes grow large and he smacks his hand to his forehead and mouths "Shit". I think I said something wrong.

"No. Mommy says he doesn't exist. But I have a second daddy and watcher-overer." Chris/Panda fumbles with the last word. I look to DiCo for an answer as to who the two men are. He shrugs and pretends like he's not listening.

"Who's this watcher guy?" I ask with a lot of curiosity.

"He helps me find my home and keeps the mean people away. He's really good. REALLY cool too. He's outside wanna meet him?" Panda says with his eyes shining. Before I could even answer, I'm dragged to the outside of the shop to a green bench.

All of a sudden, I hear Alex scream "WAIT A SECOND!" But it was too late. The damage was already done. I was out in the open, vulnerable, unaware and unprepared gripping a small boy's hand as he pointed to the bench, sealing my fate.

Sitting in that green bench was Chris's father:

Ryan Edward Farrell.

He didn't take his eyes off me when he rises from his seat. My heart begins to pound inside my ears when he takes two steps toward me. Chris doesn't even speak when he notices we aren't greeting other except with our eyes which flick with our past. He comes closer to me and all I hear inside my head is "Why did I even come here?"